I don't know why exactly I haven't made myself sit down and write for a while. I suppose it's because things are a little overwhelming and my heart is sensitive most days. I knew I wanted to do an update today if I could. Just about what is going on and what I am thinking and learning.
{i decided to add pics of fall images because I am too in love with them not to, you can find more of them HERE}
First of all, thank you so much for all of you who wrote me on my last post about feeling sad and insecure about our money issues. I so appreciated all your kindness and there have been a couple times I wanted to tell you that things were looking up, things were changing for us... but those things have fallen through.
At first, I was getting mad and frustrated with the Lord. The second time things started falling through I just heard Him say, are you going to trust me or not? And I would find myself saying things to my son like "you know you can choose today what kind of attitude you are going to have, a good one or a naughty one" and as it came out it was like I was scolding myself, and it was like "OK Lord, I see."
And I began to see that I had a choice to make, one that I am trying to make every day. Day in and day out, and sometimes I do well, and sometimes, I don't. That choice is whether I am going to trust God is who I believe Him to be or He is not, that He is trustworthy and will provide our needs or He's not. I still believe He is, so I'm choosing to believe that today.
And although the "answer" has not come to relieve us from our situation, we are being floated week in and week out, one way or another.
Again, I was frustrated with God about this, I don't want band-aids, I want a solution. But one night my husband was reading a story to our son out of his kids Bible and it was about the Israelites in the desert and their daily Manna. They received just enough for that day, not for weeks to come. And the purpose of this no doubt was so that these grumbling, doubting people would look up to heaven and expect from God daily. To need Him, to learn to trust Him, to receive from Him. And we are not so different from those wilderness complainers, let me tell you;) So Manna it shall be.
And in this hard time, I have been praying for HOPE! And in my mind that meant that something was coming, a new job, something to get us past this... but this hope has come in so many other amazing ways. It's an indescribable inner work, especially happening in me, that I have been desperate for over the past two years...and here it is, coming in the middle of such a personally hard time. Such a paradox.
Our new church has been such a blessing and I am so excited to be a part of it. So many things have been confirmed in or spoken to me in the past few months as we have attended and God is reminding me of the work He has begun in me, and that He has not in fact forgotten me.
He does see me.
I have realized after getting plugged back into the body of Christ how vitally important it is, how desperately we need each other, and how my soul was dying for the lack of community in my life.
At one meeting we went to recently he talked to about community and here are a few of the things our pastor said about it....
Why Community??
Because we need to belong:
We were not saved from something but for something-a family of God.
It is the soil where transformation can occur.
Because we reflect and connect to the very being of God in it.
God Himself and His very DNA is community.
Because it is the prime environment to begin living out God's love and gifting in our lives.
They said "to lead apart from the encouragement, support, correction, and accountability it provides is foolish and you are setting yourself up for failure"
Our pastor also has been doing a series called "We are Family" and one day he preached on this idea of belonging.
He talked about how we all want a place like the Cheers bar was for it's characters.
"I wanna go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came"
He said for too long many of us have lived like orphans in the household of God, accepted but not valued. As in, yes, I am accepted here, but what value do I have to offer this place.
Others of us live as slaves, valued but not accepted.
Only worth what we do, but not who we are.
So many of us living out of fear of rejection like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He said that church is a family, and we are not orphans or slaves, we are sons and daughters of God. Wanted as well as needed, belonging, valuable, and irreplaceable.
And I didn't write it down, but they mentioned something about how our souls seem to slowly die without this community. And there have been so many times I have longed for what some of us had in times past and it was the community that I loved and enjoyed so much. And I have been so disconnected for far too long, and now it seems a new chapter is starting again.
So many many things have happened over the past few weeks that have spoken life to me. So many ways God is providing Manna for us. So many ways He is bringing us to the next step as we trust Him on this one we are on. And my heart is growing again, and I want my faith to be big again and I want to not only believe something but LIVE it, ya know?
I feel like I could write and write now that I have started, but I think that just means I need to be doing this more often so I don't get my words so backed up.
Thanks for listening friends....
Trust, believe, it's REAL!
2 beautiful responses:
love how inspirational this post is :) so glad you're going to trust in God :)
I've been praying for you and your family since your last post. I know how hard it can be to truly trust that God has a plan for your life and he'll get you through it. I hope he continues to shine a light in the dark for you. The path may not be easy but if you trust, it will always be steady.
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